First, I must say, I ABHOR having my picture taken. It never, ever conveys how beautiful I truly am.
I am in need of new human servants. My current staff is not attending to my needs in the way that I expect. I expect fresh food every two hours, fresh water every 4 hours, and a fresh *ahem* bathroom facility every 8 hours. I do not think this is too much to ask. However, my current staff are too preoccupied with their small human to meet these simple requests.
When my human servants came home with this small human without asking for my permission, I was appalled. To punish them, I denied them the joy of my presence for 4 days, showing myself only for the briefest of times. It's not that I disliked the small human from the beginning, but, the noise level definitely was intolerable!
Since that time, my female human servant sits in a chair for hours on end allowing the small human to suckle her mammary glands, ignoring my needs. I constantly remind her that I will not be ignored, however, I feel that my voice is not apprecited nor heard anymore. Therefore, I require new servants.
Also, when I am in the mood for the humans' attention, at night of course, when I am at my best, they shut a door in my face or spray me with water. The only thing I hate worse than having my picture taken is getting wet!
If you feel that you can meet my needs and demands on my schedule, please contact me immediately. My current staff must be let go as soon as possible.
Her Majesty Ruthie
(Yes, it's a silly name, but the humans have never learned to say my proper name.)