What Do You Say?

What do you say when someone asks how many children you have? Or if (when) you are going to have more? What do you say?

If you haven't suffered the loss of a child, your answers won't be difficult or painful. Or maybe the answers are difficult for a different reason.

Maybe it will be easier someday to say "just one." But even after almost 5 years, I still feel like that answer betrays the memory of our first born. And how do I explain to people that we are not having any more children because I cannot bear the anxiety that another pregnancy would bring because I have a child who is already in heaven? (Although, I think that I have grown enough in the past few years that maybe, just maybe, I could allow God to be in charge.)

When I answer honestly, and in a way that I feel honors Susie, the questioner becomes uncomfortable. I see the mental squirming. The person doesn't know what to do with such honesty. The loss of a child just isn't talked about enough to make people comfortable with the topic.

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. And today, October 15th, is a special day to remember the babies that, for whatever reason, were not able to realize the potential that was within them. No matter what time zone you are in, light a candle from 7 to 8 pm tonight to remember the babies who are no longer with us. Even if you personally haven't suffered this loss. I'll bet you know someone who has.

Light a candle. Say a prayer. Be thankful that God holds these innocent ones close to Him.

I still don't know how to answer the question though. If you have suffered the loss of a child through miscarriage, stillbirth, or death in infancy, what do you say when you are asked about your children?