Thursday, April 22, 2010
I struggle. I want to share myself, but I don't know how. I read bloggers that I admire and look up to, and when they share, it's so eloquent yet simple. So poignant, so real. I feel like when I share in that way, it's trite and forced. And those are the last things that I want to be.
I'm trying not to compare myself to others. I don't want to be a copy of someone. I want to be me.
I don't feel eloquent. Or witty. Or even smart sometimes. Not compared to someone else. Compared to myself.
I've let myself get stuck in the stay-at-home mom thing. I play with my child, watch children's TV programs, read children's books. And I love it. Most of the time.
But I want to read my own books, have conversations that challenge my mind, cause me to think. For crying out loud, I have a graduate degree. I know I can think! Right? I do remember how to think, don't I?
Sometimes I wonder.
Do you ever wonder? Not about me, but about you? Do you ever get stuck in a rut, forgetting that you are a creative, intelligent, wonderful person?
I think I forgot. But I want to remember. I want to be reminded. I want to think again. To be able to follow a train of thought and not keep getting derailed, or making pit stops. Even as I sat down to write this post, I had about five minutes before I had to take the thinking cap off and put the mama hat on. I had a great thought. Actually, several great thoughts. I started to write, then bam! Not enough time to finish the thought.
Then I had to try to pick up the train again. Do I even know where I'm going with this? I'm not sure, and don't expect you to know either. But I appreciate that you've stuck with me this far.
I want to think. To create. It's just a beginning. But it is a beginning. And that's the best place to start.
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